Overthinking about overthinking

I have a problem where I overthink every decision I ever make. I spend a lot of time in my own head, often scrutinizing every little thing that I do.

Even writing those two sentences for a blog post that nobody will ever read took a stupid amount of time.

When faced multiple choices, I often get stuck trying to figure out which one is the best choice. This problem is exacerbated when there is no clear winner upfront - where all the choices all seem plausible and correct.

This happens everywhere, for anything I do. When I code I get stuck trying to evaluate the best solution for a problem. When I play chess, I get stuck trying to make a move in a hard position. When I make a purchase, I get stuck considering all the options because I don’t want to waste my money.

I might be going crazy

What is happening? My self diagnosis is that I might be a perfectionist, though the term is way too pretentious for me. I’d prefer something like “severe avoidance of mistakes”. I’m not necessarily afraid of failure, I’d just like to avoid the consequences of any bad decisions if possible, to prevent myself from going crazy thinking about why I did something so stupid. That’s my main gripe, that when I do make a mistake, I just spend the whole day thinking about why I made that mistake.

When I buy something new, I’d aim to keep it in the “new” condition for as long as I can. When I do something that affects this “new” condition, I get neurotic trying to fix it and continuously criticize myself.

For example, a couple months ago I bought a new phone, and I wanted to put a screen protector on my phone, but I couldn’t get it quite right. I literally spent at least 3 hours just putting on and removing the screen protector, trying to make sure that it’s centered, and no dust or bubbles are on it. I did this repeatedly until the screen protector was completely covered in dust and didn’t stick anymore. I don’t know why I did this. I had to buy another screen protector. I am stupid.1

The thing is, once it’s no longer in the “new” condition, I seemingly don’t have this problem anymore. I remember when I got a new mouse/keyboard, I would religiously wash my hands every time I used it. Over time, as it got less newer, I’d stop this practice.

I can’t even count the number of times I bought something just to refund it immediately because I regretted it. And then reordering it, and repeating this process over and over again.

Okay so

It seems like I do have “perfectionist” tendencies, and I am aware of it. But, I do try my best to overcome these urges.

When I cause something to be imperfect, I try to adopt a “it is what it is” mindset, or as the Japanese like to call it wabi-sabi. When faced with analysis paralysis, I find that the best solution is to set a deadline where you must make a decision, without exception. This forces you to choose and accept a solution. Writing out my thoughts and ideas also help a lot. It helps me organize my messy brain and forces me concretely put what I am thinking into words.

Realistically the best way to face this problem is to re-evaluate my own beliefs. Nothing in this world is perfect, and anything that is perfect will not stay perfect forever. Do not be afraid to make mistakes, they are (usually) not the end of the world. Accept things for what they are, not what they should’ve been.

Life will work out fine buddy.

Footnotes

  1. On a separate note, the screen protector literally slides around the screen when the phone is in my pocket so none of this even mattered anyway. ↩